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Jul. 5th, 2009

Writer's Block: Dog Day Afternoon

The Dog Days of summer, the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, start today. What's your favorite thing to do in hot weather?

I love swimming.... wish I had a pool... an indoor one.

Jun. 30th, 2009

Insult to Accedental Masochistic Injuries

So- it has a name... its name is Live Dormir... (that's Rimrod Evil spelled backwards...)

And he/she is an evil god out to get me my friends family and... somebody even mentioned "well maybe I should stay away from you your bad luck!"

Like an old Sicilian saying or something..

Meanwhile words like these make it all better;

ITS A TRUCK... its made of of.... TRUCK!

So- I say to kilen who usually says things like this; where are you when I need you? Must I go to comic land for this kind of cheering up for the rest of my life?

Oh well.

Death of a Computer Salesman

So my computer died and I had to restore it.... fortunately I backup most if not all my files.

I did forget about my wow add-ons though... goddamnit.

Can't wait till FF14 though- then maybe i'll be satisfied.

Jun. 14th, 2009

Asmal Tales Story Thus far...

Well this is everything I had written up to this point...

Our Heroes Matt and Aymie met with an exotic woman to find themselves wrapped in a bigger problem... How do you save the world when you don't even know what your up against? What's more - who was that boy and why did he entrust a magical item to them and what connection does he have to Sonja?

Sonja explains a little... and even gives hope that perhaps gathering all these items will save their village but... she is still just a little too vague on what is really going on. Who is she? What is it that they are in search for and what other adventures will they find themselves in.

I like this description- it breaks down the first few chapters nicely and even redirects them to a more solid and believable storyline.

I think this MAY yet get published.

Jun. 9th, 2009

More real post

So I have been posting alot of parodies to other things... I wonder if people notice... they all have something to do with how I am feeling- and right now i'm feeling hopeful so I summon the Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning to my side... perhaps you caught the previous one too... I dunno- I make alot of parodies- I wonder if even I know what they mean sometimes anymore... the recent ones yes but maybe I just want to let those feelings out and not revisit what they mean- meanwhile I creatively come up with something that only I know the code to... and once I have forgotten the meaning I know I can move on and life will begin anew. I am the beginning and the end of all events in my life.

Envoy of the Beginning

So I raise my head and have slain the dragon- here I stand with my black stained armor and sword that felled that beast. Though my armor is black it shines like the sun and all the hopes and dreams of the ones I protect lay with me.

Do not forget the light and darkness that allowed my presence to be made manifest... and I will not forget the dreams that you dreamed for me.

Hold tight to the ones that you love for nobody is safe from the power of my dark sword. I shall be a warrior forever more... But allow me to plant the seed and from it will new things come for I am the beginning of a new chapter.

Jun. 7th, 2009

Envoy of the End

And so another fine mess our hero has found himself in. (If I may borrow from kids show announcer's opening lines.)

I have reached the end of the tracks this is my stop and I fare thee well... I don't know where my final destination may be but I guess it will be the same place that anyone else may end up. Then again should it be unfair to say we all get our own magnificent end? So I guess... my feelings are shallow and my words confusing of course that's the way I've learned to express myself so that nobody may worry needlessly... Though many thoughts do happen to perverse my mind. I hate thinking this hard because it often leads to me ending stuck. I've been stuck long enough I think... but I can't blame anyone- only me... Because I'm a sissy wuss? Maybe.

So... I will take time to heal my wounds... but I will continue my journey to that inevitable end. What end that may be I do not know.... the same way it began? Maybe like a little in the middle? But isn't that funny... they felt both the same to me... lonely.

When I was little I remember having one single 'friend' who betrayed me... Left and Right and I averted my eyes to it because I was alone.

I had another friend- and it wasn't as lonely but sometimes I was left out of things and still talked about badly...

Then I was a plague- something different something foreign or scary. Again I sat alone or was set outcast.

Finally I took it upon myself to not be outcast- instead I became a leader and took many people who otherwise may not have been friends and made them friends- but soon after I learned I was different again but for another reason. Thus I was cast out again.

Later I don't know how to describe those events but I still felt outcast and different from others... the difference now was that everyone knew me- everyone saw me and knew my name. To this day they may not have called me friend but they know my name.... again I was abandoned.

Few of those that I somehow latched on to remain... The threads are wearing thin and I think perhaps they will break again.

And so I am The Betrayed. The Last. The Outcast. The Lonely. The Envoy of the End.

I think perhaps I sail that trip with little chance to catch my breath and enjoy things... I am an Ancient. Certa... Certain to fall short and perhaps never reach The Promised Land.

One silvery black feather adorns my ear and now I add another bead to this lengthening thread of lost souls along my way. They have left me to journey on my own but I hold on to them one by one...

Among things now.... I may find myself alone again- perhaps it is destiny.

A Destiny Draw that developed into a sour hand of unplayable options. It is not end game and I am not ready to play my last cards just yet. I reach for another chance.... only to find the deck empty. I guess I better shuffle and try again. I lose.

Jun. 5th, 2009

Going Splode!

So the last straw has finally broken my back and I am in major pain... If you don't have money for one thing- then you don't have money for the other... that's how life works. By spending money on the one thing- you ENSURE that you won't have that same money for next time.

I give up....

Life is not worth living without a reason to live. I'm rather lonely you see... have been all my life... only the realization that there were others that may be just as lonely as me made me hopeful that maybe it could change... But now I cannot see them- I don't know anyone that doesn't have someone.

So I refuse to live as somebody- I am a Nobody. I have no right to exist. I have no right to feel. I am just a demon without a soul or a heart.

Alot of things come at you at once. I think therefor you should be ready- either because this happens all the time or because you've had such a rest period without something bad that you know that it will get better soon. I however think that I have not been afforded this luxury. I have always been made to be the one suffering. No more I say; I discard my heart and leave it to the heartless... I lay now transformed and without hope of ever feeling again.

I can't explain what makes me so sad sometimes. I think perhaps it all started with a bittersweet dream. Maybe I once again Misinterpreted it?

Perhaps it means that I'm holding on to a bad thing. Something that only causes me pain... though there isn't much that when things don't go my way that doesn't...

I used to think I was entitled to a little happiness sometimes I ask for so very little... I don't get to complain... I am not allowed to express myself... I am suffocating and the noose only wraps it's self tighter around my neck. It seems my life truly does have unfair disadvantages. It's a common thought that everyone is given the same opportunities... but its not true. I know for a fact I was dealt a crap hand... With no pair- and high card out of the question... I fold.

I'm tired of Bluffing.

I give up myself to the gods of retribution; either set my soul afire or do with it what you will... I have no use for it anymore. I think I shall end my depressing note on the final thought of the evening.

Blow me.

Jun. 4th, 2009

Dream Reveiled

Well I think I figured out what the dream meant...

It just took on the shape of other people because that's how dreams work.

It means I'm upset with a crazy bitch and the person I care for most is going to get caught up in the middle of it... and I would hate that so I'm just going to be mad and not accept any apologies but instead just let it go and we'll SEE what happens later.

I am lonely here and my friends are oh so busy or losing their minds. Though I can't blame them... I'm getting stir-crazy myself. I do think I'm just trying to supply my life with something more fun and.... I'm losing this war.

So that's kinda the problem.

Before they Fade

Before my dreams fade from my mind... I think I should probably jot them down... This morning I went back to sleep and began dreaming about a treehouse like home... it was kinda raggedy but I don't know. I was living with my brother his wife and.... a person I really like and I was having it out with my brother... I don't know why but we were fighting- the odd part is he and his live in wife are not together... that didn't bother me- I guess it's just a reflection of my personal ingrain feelings. The events that took place were me fighting with my brother storming out and leaving the one I love behind... but it broke me up inside because I wanted to hold him in my arms.... fortunately late at night I was crying but I was finally able to hold him in my arms and then I cried of happiness. Then the dream just started to rip at the seams because I couldn't remember it all.

I guess I could view the dream in several ways but I think its more of a look in the past... I had to move in with my brother and things were... kinda falling apart- I think everything was. I was still having trouble keeping funds in my dwindling account while at the same time trying to live a happy life. I guess the morel to the dreamstate is that you shouldn't let personal problems interfere with your happiness. Especially letting anger or family separate you from the one you care for most.

I guess my brother and his ex didn't learn that lesson soon enough.

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