I give up....
Life is not worth living without a reason to live. I'm rather lonely you see... have been all my life... only the realization that there were others that may be just as lonely as me made me hopeful that maybe it could change... But now I cannot see them- I don't know anyone that doesn't have someone.
So I refuse to live as somebody- I am a Nobody. I have no right to exist. I have no right to feel. I am just a demon without a soul or a heart.
Alot of things come at you at once. I think therefor you should be ready- either because this happens all the time or because you've had such a rest period without something bad that you know that it will get better soon. I however think that I have not been afforded this luxury. I have always been made to be the one suffering. No more I say; I discard my heart and leave it to the heartless... I lay now transformed and without hope of ever feeling again.
I can't explain what makes me so sad sometimes. I think perhaps it all started with a bittersweet dream. Maybe I once again Misinterpreted it?
Perhaps it means that I'm holding on to a bad thing. Something that only causes me pain... though there isn't much that when things don't go my way that doesn't...
I used to think I was entitled to a little happiness sometimes I ask for so very little... I don't get to complain... I am not allowed to express myself... I am suffocating and the noose only wraps it's self tighter around my neck. It seems my life truly does have unfair disadvantages. It's a common thought that everyone is given the same opportunities... but its not true. I know for a fact I was dealt a crap hand... With no pair- and high card out of the question... I fold.
I'm tired of Bluffing.
I give up myself to the gods of retribution; either set my soul afire or do with it what you will... I have no use for it anymore. I think I shall end my depressing note on the final thought of the evening.
So the last straw has finally broken my back and I am in major pain... If you don't have money for one thing- then you don't have money for the other... that's how life works. By spending money on the one thing- you ENSURE that you won't have that same money for next time.